By Bryn Mawr Geese, Haverford Squirrels, and Peanut; Translated by Annarose King, Staff Photographer
Dear Bryn Mawr and Haverford students,
We are generally pleased with the trajectory of this spring semester. Still, there are multiple issues across both campuses that we must address.
The geese will begin by discussing this year’s Lantern Night. We had been advised to gather at the upper athletics field, to participate in Step Sing. Everyone was ready to sing, after weeks of practice. We made sure to fly over the field in front of Cambrian Row, every morning, so we sounded perfect. There’s a stone wall built into the hillside that offers great acoustics.
We spent a solid fifteen minutes freezing on the upper athletics field, and that’s when we realized you weren’t showing up. Instead, you stood in front of Old Library and sang there. Your behavior was deeply hurtful, and very problematic. Give us bread, but give us roses, and give us an apology. Actually, don’t give us bread, we’ll get sick.
We would also like to address how Bryn Mawr’s architecture could be improved upon. There are carvings of owls everywhere, and even a statue of an owl. There are no statues of geese. None! This is an outrage, and we have a solution. All of you can vote on a Plenary resolution to erect a statue of a goose on campus next fall.
Furthermore, we have noticed that the turrets in Rockefeller, Pem East and Pem West are not fulfilling their full potential. The turrets make the dorms look like castles. We can turn the turrets into siege towers, and accomplish the original purpose behind their design.
This would be a very simple process. We fly up to the top of the turret, and rendezvous with several students on the roof. We will be fed some treats. The students will direct us to attack, and we will take flight.
After much debate, we have decided we will only attack dogs. We are not about to swoop down on people. While we like to run up to students, this is to assert our natural right to this campus. Yes, we can deduce the scent of your fear, but we mean well.
Sincerely,
The Geese
Greetings, students! The squirrels are writing to make a few requests. Despite multiple attempts to communicate with you, by yelling from trees, we realize that a letter would work better.
Many students have been eating outside this year, more so than usual. We are delighted that all of you are smart and staying safe. However, we are not delighted that you refuse to offer us food. We need to eat, and you need to give us your waffles.
The Bi-Co Chamber Singers and Bi-Co Orchestra have been practicing outside, on Haverford’s campus. While all of you sound wonderful, we would like to ask if you could perform one or two songs for us. For the Chamber Singers, we wonder if you could sing a vocal rendition of “A Forest” by The Cure. As for the Orchestra, we suggest The Carnival of the Animals by Camille Saint-Saëns. You have enough string and wind instruments, but you will also need a xylophone and a glass harmonica.
Sincerely,
The Squirrels
Help me!
I was taking a walk around campus. All of a sudden, I felt a rush of wind above me. An entire flock of geese was flying over my head. The geese landed…and then they started chasing me!
I only had a few minutes to scribble this down, but if you see dozens of birds around, don’t tell them where I am.
—Peanut
Image credit: @peanutprezpup; Annarose King.
