Everything about everything is different now. I don’t know why, but I never expected how studying abroad would transform me as both a student and a person.
Returning to the Bryn Mawr campus was surreal. Campus looked exactly how I left it, despite the recent snowfall. Everything also though, was just how I had left it. Time hadn’t passed at all, until I saw the faces of all the new students I hadn’t seen before, and the lack of faces from the semester before. The truth is that time had passed, except I was not there to witness it at home. I was not there to see the slight changes in my friend’s faces, the new faculty and staff that were hired over the summer before I left, or even to keep up with a lot of the academic language at this school that I was finally close to deciphering last year.
Finally being able to see those I missed and those that I didn’t even know I missed was something that I had been looking forward to ever since the plane landed back on American soil. For some reason, during my first week back on campus, I felt like I couldn’t do it.
Contacting my friends felt like such a daunting task, despite the fact that I had braved two different Parisian Airports in the past six months and was able to navigate culture shocks and European microaggressions for the most part, all on my own. I had spoken to more people that I had never known in the past few months than ever before in my life, but talking to people that I had known for almost three years was somehow stopping me. I could not face what and who I had been excited to see again after all that time away.
The first person I was able to talk to was someone who was going through the same thing I was. We were both feeling in between cultures and languages. During our first meal I remember reaching for my glass and wondering why it wasn’t in the middle space above my plate, just like it was in Strasbourg. I was so used to ‘late’ dinners at the Decrevoisier’s and eating every single dessert with a teaspoon. It was always yogurt and I never understood why because I would have to say it was the most disappointing ‘dessert’ food out there, but I still missed it.
After eating I was craving one more thing, the coffee or tea we always had after a meal. While trying to transition back to our respective ‘American’ lifestyles, we would inevitably revert to our new default. It is definitely a confusing feeling, and sometimes it is isolating even though I was not the only one experiencing this and everyone else who had studied abroad in the fall was probably experiencing it too. After our slightly disorienting dinner, I did the mature thing…and googled “post study abroad slump.” I read many articles that detailed the symptoms of “reverse culture shock” and “post study abroad depression.”
One of the articles I found the most helpful was the article “10 Tips for When You’re Feeling Depressed After Studying Abroad” by Alisa Tank of Go Abroad. What stood out to me in her writing was her emphasis on the feeling of missing the country where one once was, while at the same time feeling grateful to be back home. Some of her favorite tips of mine include: “going on a (friend) date”, reading the news of the country you studied in, and reflecting on what you have learned from your time abroad.
Overall, as I reflect on my time in Strasbourg, I remember every struggle and every triumph I went through while I was there. I remind myself of my ups as well as my downs and the fact that I made it through to the other side. There were times when I so longed to come home and others when I wished I could stay there forever. It is important to acknowledge that I went away, I learned, I made new friends and many memories.
Now I am back and I am supposed to be here, just like I was supposed to be there. Change has always been difficult for me, but I think it is worth it to see it through, because of the freedom that comes with knowing; knowing that I may be a different person than I was, but who I am now is just as wonderful and acknowledgeable as who I was.
I would say that the biggest and most important thing to remember is the fact that you are not alone. Sometimes its hard to believe this very common phrase because of how often we hear it, and it can sometimes feel too optimistic for our current situations. However, it still remains true because after reading this article you have one more person who can understand the slump you’re in and the great power that this change has made for our collective futures.
