After a four-and-a-half-year hiatus, I never expected myself to re-enter the studio. I quit ballet at the age of fourteen after dedicating ten years to the art form. I spent days cleansing my room of anything and everything dance-related, weeks angrily discarding bobby pins scattered about every corner of my home and months waking up in the middle of the night sweating after experiencing yet another dance-related nightmare. I swore to myself back then that my days of dancing were over. After receiving a coquette-themed flyer featuring a barn owl in a tutu during Fall Frolic, I mustered the courage to take back my word and begin once more.
Upon entering the narrow hallway of the Denbigh Dance Studio, I found myself submerged in pre-class chatter as the dancers and I waited for the studio doors to swing open. Students were dressed informally, many without leotards or tights, and the majority wearing socks instead of ballet shoes. This freedom in clothing was completely different from the strict dress codes enforced by my previous studio, where attire deemed “improper” would result in being chastised.
The class began at the barre with the movements that underscore beginning technique: pliés, relevés, tendus and dégagés. The studio was at full capacity with 17 participants and three instructors. This was the highest turnout rate that the Barre Owls had ever experienced in the history of their club. As music reverberated through the studio, muscle memory took control over my body as I fell into the positions with unexpected deftness and ease. My body, albeit aching, slipped back into the rhythmic flow that I had grown so fond of as a young child.
As we transitioned to the center of the studio for jumps and leaps, I was struck by a sense of warmth and comfort. The environment fostered by the class’s instructor Lottie Kimmerling ‘28 was one that welcomed any and everyone, participants ranging widely in backgrounds and familiarity with ballet. Some of the dancers I talked to were complete beginners while others had gone through years of classical training. Barre Owls Co-Founder Emma Blersch ‘27 said that Barre Owls was “founded on making sure everyone has access to ballet and that it’s a safe and comfortable space for everyone. The whole thing is come as you are, come at every level.”Ig the class
Ballet is perhaps one of the demanding activities a person can take part in, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of dancers such as myself who have a damaged relationship with the art form. Kimmerling acknowledged that “As much as I love dance, there are lots of times where, because of how teachers and even your peers behave, it can be almost traumatizing growing up in that kind of environment. We want to make sure everyone feels supported in our classes and has the opportunity to ask questions.”
Barre Owls Co-President Sarah Bleil ‘27 felt that the club was a perfect way to refuel her passion for ballet after taking a break from dancing in her senior year of high school due to mental health concerns. “[Barre Owls] was a really great way to get back into it and just kind of mull over and heal the things that were in my head,” said Bleil. “It’s just awesome to see the kind of community that we’ve built that hopefully will live on after we graduate.”
My evening in the studio with Barre Owls healed a part of me I did not think could be mended. In a few steps and a moment of courage, I had finally leapt back into ballet. In my younger years, ballet was a source of pure bliss. I would run around my local dance studio throwing rainbow scarves and laughing with my friends as we twirled about in clumsy chaos. I imagined my younger self to be proud of my decision to return to the studio.
In my teenage years, my unbridled love of ballet began to dwindle and contort itself into what my mother would liken to a toxic relationship. I would return from ballet class and rehearsals almost every night dejected, the tears I held back spilling from my eyes as I recounted a myriad of hurtful comments from my teachers and peers. I was consumed with anxiety, suffering from panic attacks that shook me to my core. How could something I loved so dearly transform into a source of such anguish? I lamented this loss as ballet and I went our separate ways.
Transitioning to college, I found myself invigorated with an urge to involve myself in everything that I could, including my former passions. Through an unanticipated chain of events, I found myself back in the studio. I have no doubt that attending a Beginner Ballet Class will be just the beginning of my dancing journey. Barre Owls welcomed me with open arms and gave me the encouragement to embark on what I like to call my second act.
